Saturday, April 7, 2012

choosing for me.

today finds my mind aloof, more than usual. after resting for near 11 hours + waking up at 6am this morning, I'm feeling a mixture of refresh-ness + a tinge of air of mental limbo. think of that moment when you are walking around somewhere with no direction or purpose. yeah, something like that. either way, i'm catching up on yesterday's thoughts about an interview I went to. in comparison to many previous tries, I got to say that I was the most confident I ever been in an interview. i felt relaxed, no pressure. i was able to show the kind of person i am, my experiences, + what i can bring to their company. i must of really left a good impression on the general manager because he told me that he was interested in me join the staff so why am i not hip hip hoorah right now? because there was one little catch: there wanted someone that can work full-time + also be available a majority of nights. i thought hard yet quick about was to say, knowing that nowadays I dedicate my monday, tuesday, wednesday, + thursday nights to taking at least 10 dance classes as training for myself. would i sacrifice my dancing for stable employment + finances? then a quick flashback of me working at sunglasses hut, stuck in a kiosk all day making good money but not having the time to do what I truly desired to do. which is funny because the main reason I got the job was so I can invest in my passion + be able to afford to go to class... i chose this time around not to give in + fit myself into their time. too many times i let myself agree to work anything + any time + in the end I don't get to benefit myself the way I want to. what's the use of working everyday if it doesn't help get you where you want to be in the long run. its almost like winning the lottery + even with all that money at your fingertips, you still can't buy or obtain the one thing that will make you happy. in the end, the general manager gave me his number so I can think mote about it. he noticed how much dance meant to me + said that he didn't want me to commit to the job then have any resentment or spite because I missed on dancing. I thanked him for his time + left, holding tangled + missed feelings. i'm abit ugh-gy because i was so close to getting a nicey nu job. but i'm but grateful because i have a good sense of myself + know what i'm going after in my life, however the road i personally chose. changes. chances. choices. its all crazy/beautiful. i wonder... have you ever had to make a choice like this? let me know, + til then... soulfully yours, peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin