words to carry. 2

“Remember that feeling when you were a child dancing and why you loved to dance. As long as you remember that feeling, we'll be all right.” -Robert Battle

"im bout to go twinkletoes on yall hoes!!!"

if you would of told me several years ago that i would say that (read the title), i would of loudly refused, rebuked, + declined the notion of that possibility. why? because as much as i love dance + enjoy all of its different styles, i swore up + down that i would never- wait. i need all caps for this... NEVER BY MY OWN FREE WILL would i take ballet. why not? because, it never seem like something for me. i always was a wild + loose spirit + it reflected greatly when i would do hip hop or step during elementary + high school. i looked at ballet as beautiful + elegant, but so structured, stiff, anal, +... those tights... ohGod. lets not get on the tights...

come on now. a life size brown toothpick on stage with stockings. yeah, that will be me.

that was not whats up on so many levels in the mind of a insecure, skinty (yeah, not skinny. skin-ty.), little black dude. i just didnt want to do it because i thought it was the opposite of how i express myself when i dance.

as i grew up + got more deeper into loving dance + appreciating all its forms (i soften up a lil after seeing alvin aliey in the 10th grade... beyond words, inspiring to this very day...) i started wanting to learn modern + jazz (which i still of yet to learn. damn ya, lack of income!) + picking up different moves + techniques from people i met. i still didnt want to be nowhere close to those damn tights through, but i was warming up to the idea of me doin demi-pointe + hittin awe-provoking pirorettes + leaps....

well, recently i was told by this guy that i could take 1 free class each friday this month at gotta dance studios in atlanta. they were offering 3 different hip hop classes + 1 beginner ballet class. since i already took a few hip hop classes + danced hip hop for so long i decide to go out of the box + try out ballet. people were telling me that i would be great for ballet + that it would help me out with hip hop + other styles. the control, balance, + strength i would get from taking it up would greatly benefit all of my dancing skills. plus it would make me a more versatile dancer overall. all these pros basically won me over, but of course i had 1 condition: "i dont got to wear tights, right?"

so last friday i arrived to the studio + lined up with everyone else along the barres that were laid out in the middle of the floor. standing there a little nervous with my loose cargo pants rolled up + socks on, i looked around the room to see im the only guy. ohyay. so rikki, the instructor which was a tall slender dude, comes in + quickly gets us started with a warm up on the barre. ohhGod i felt so out of freaking place. i was struggling to get my body to do what he said, remember the positions, follow along, + be relaxed + graceful at first. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, back to 1st. point, flex, tendo, pile, cupo, passe, relve, front, side, back. ohjeez, + i had to squeeze the shit outta my thieghs + butt the whole while. i thought i wouldnt be able to freaking boo boo for days after this.

i was pushed in that class for real. at one point, we had to point + extend our leg straight foward at a 90degree angle, then lower it + extend it straight to the side 90 degrees, the lower it again, extend to the back 90 degrees, hold it, swing it around slowly to the front then back to the back, then do the reverse... umm, yeah. so i was kind of getting it pretty decent. (thank God for all those times at band camp where we were drilled on marching with pointed toes + 90degree angles. shoutout to columbia high marching eagles band!) rikki is walking around + helping everyone. how about when he gets to me, he takes my left leg (a.k.a. the crappy leg) + raises that bitch up from 85degrees to 132DEGREES, THEN SWINGS MY LEG AROUND FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK + BACK TO THE FRONT!!! if you are a guy reading this, clearly you can understand when i say sincerely "please pray for my lefty."

even with my legs feeling insanely stretched out, my arms throbbing from holding them up for what seem hours, + my theighs + buttcheeks tight as hell from having to hold a small flyer between then while rising + lowering on my toes as an exercise, i still ended up enjoying the class. i loved the challenge of me bettering myself + gaining control of my movements. i was already starting to see myself more aware of how my body moves + work when i would do certain things. plus i noticed that i was improving a little. by the end, rikki told me that i did really great for my 1st time doing ballet. oh+ he did gave me a nice little comment on how high my leg went. lol he wants me to come back for his class again + continue to work on the excerises we did in class. i told i will + i will be back next friday. i really was feeling excellent afterwards (of course, the great accomplishment feeling in my mind was overriding the wearyness feeling on body).

so near an hour later as i was laying chin deep in my bathtub at home soaking the aches away, i closed my eyes + visioned myself on my toes dancing across a dance floor, holding a perfect effortless passe into a relve. i was loving it. + it didnt even phase me that i was wearing some black tinted tights in my own little daydream. well, just a little. but i was too exhausted + exhilarated to care. ohhyeah, im about to go twinkletoes on all yall. get ready. oh + pray for my feet + nuts too. ohyeah, that would help much...

soulfully yours, peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

times like these... haha haha haa...

oh yeah, i forgot to talk about what happened the other day after "bootleg 'stars' carved in the back of my head" ordeal. alrighty, so im a part of this dance ministry + saturday was suppose to be a big performance for us. we were going to be in the gospel superfest, a show with lots of popular gospel artists such as mary mary, coco brothers, + more. it was going to be taped + shown on different channels, the gospel channel, bet, + such. so needless to say, we all were excited about the producers asking us if we could perform 2 pieces for them, 1 for a black history segment they were going to do + 1 for a christmas show they were filming that same day.

so we been practicing + working hard to get everyone ready + on point to do the routines. this past whole week had us going to either the dance studio or the director's house to practice so the producers can see it + tell how we looked. he saw it, loved it, but wanted to make a few changes. just little things. yeah, like cutting the christmas piece down in half... yeah. tiny. we took the advice, kept working through the week on formations, detailed movements, costume changes, acrobatics + tricks, music changes, people getting added to different parts... we basically been through nearly everything.

so finally call time at 4:30pm saturday comes + im at the civic center with the rest of the group downstairs in a "dressing room" that actually looked more like a large locker room. we run through the routines + wait... + wait some more... + wait again. its 7:30 + we haven't heard a thing. soon 8:30, we hear we up next + we running up the steps, down the hall, turning rights + lefts to get the sides of the stage. we get there to see kiki sheard singing, then suddenly we told to go back downstairs to the dunegon locker room. we hear that we going to perform our christmas piece in 20 minutes so be ready.

20 minutes passed. then 40... a hour later we being told that there is no time to do our piece, but they will tape it in 2 weeks... i try to keep a pleasant smile on my face while most of the other people got upset since it was our favorite piece. but the show must go on + we had the black history piece to do still.

so we ran through that piece a few times, made sure everything was right as we played the wait game again... it got to the point where we started do stuff just to pass the time. we had african drummers performing with us there + they started a jam session while we were freestyling + flackback dancing to the beats of africa. clearly, you can electric slide + bankhead bounce to nearly anything.

soon we were just tired, sleepy, hungry, some agitated + ready to go. it was near midnight + we haven't heard a word from anyone. then one of my teammates ran through the door + told us that we have 30 seconds to get to the stage. so AGAIN, we running, some falling, up the steps, bomb rushing down hallways, twisting through the place to get to the stage, which had a group singing on it already. next thing we know, the stage crew is telling us to go out there + dance to the music. confused but eagered to move around, we all go on to the stage, the auditorium 1/4 full, + freestyle to the group's song for about... hmmm, a minute. after they finished, the main singer said "thanks for coming out to the gospel superfest, have a great night!!" wha-...

...i had to laugh it off to keep myself from going amy winehouse on them + asking "what kind of f*ckery is this?" after we done sweated, took out hours of our time to practice, racked our brains to bring forth something creative + moving, + waited near 8 hours in a room that could be the next shooting location for "saw 6" to perform... we get a 1 mintue cameo?!?! OHHHWHATTHEWORLDMAN?!?!?

afterwards, the producer, the man who ASKED us to perform, explained that due to hosts taking a lot of the time + groups getting "caught up" in the songs, they was not enough time to feature us as promised. plus we were suppose to be getting food + drinks but it was sent somewhere else instead of downstairs in the locker room. he sincerly gave his apologies on behave of the network + the company + offered us money to get something to eat afterwards.

this is another time when i learned that everything is not always going to go right or as planned. there will be moments when you work so hard only to have it seem like it went to waste. but at the same time, some things are for the better. the producer did said that he wanted to use us in another taping of a show, plus we were able to network with different people there. so the heart was kind of hurt, but all was not lost... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

thinking about later, wanting to pass now.

im really starting to like for november to go by a lil more swiftly + for december to just begin. why? because that would mean that this semester will be done + over! im getting kinda weary of 2 of my classes right now. why did i pick ethics + spanish...

well, spanish is not so bad. i just got to beat myself in the head to study everything + practice it on my own to be able to do it for the exams. ethics, however, is always up over my head. im getting thrown off, plus im starting to lose my interest in the subject. its a nice, meaning subject, but i just dont feel like taking it no more. all well though, i got to keep going so i can get my gpa up to a 3.0. I MUST KEEP H.O.P.E. ALIVE!! lol

plus lately, i been thinking about my plans after i graduate. yesterday i got into a deep personal coversation with a friend of mine from a dance team im a part of. we related + opened up to each other on things that happened in our past, our beliefs, aspirations, + how we both want to become better dancers. he told me that next year he could be going to kennisaw state university. right when i heard him say kennisaw, i ran to my room + pulled out this flyer i got from a dance studio about the school + its dance program. i been thinking more + more about going there + majoring or minoring in dance. i can also get my masters in middle school education there too so it sounds like a very good possibility to explore later on, but i dont know.

dance has been 1 of my "escapes" from actuality since i was in 6th grade + since i been in college, its become more than a getaway from everything. its my life support in a way. i dont know what i would do if i couldnt dance in my life. i love it that much + im feeling that i should maybe take a chance for this. now im not saying im gonna take all the lil change of money i got, get a 1 way ticket to nyc, + live out my dreams. ohhno. i aint honey, this aint "fame". im thinking smart about this. there has to be a way to live in my daydreams. i just got to figure it out + leap for it. pray for a brotha... til the next time... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin