thankful for you + the food.

alright, thanksgiving with my family was... quite tasty + hirlarious to say the least. i spent the evening (yeah, we all get together at night + eat. thats how the vaughn clan does it.) at my grandma's house. me, my mom + sis, grandma, my aunties, uncle, + cousins were there bomb rushing a hot small spaced kitchen trying to dig out collard greens, trunip greens (which were off the meter good... thank you mom), dressing, string beans, squash, mac+cheese, chitlins (ugh... lol), corn on the cob, cornish hen, baked turkey wings, ham (we couldnt get a Honey Baked Ham, so my auntie made a "Connie Baked Ham". dont act like you dont know, the resession is still in session...), + much food out of different pots, tin pans, + dishes.

as we ate, everyone was wilding out. all my folks were gettting on my mom because she made the mac+cheese this year + it was a lil bit on the dry side. my auntie decided to snatch my mom's wig + parade around the house with it sitting on her head. my other auntie was sneaking me glasses of wine while my uncle is taking crazy pictures of my grandma trying hard not to swear the mess out of him. i was teaching my cousins + sis how to play spoons (spades made be whats up to a lot of people, but it takes some real fye people to throwdown a game of spoons). it was quite fun wrestling + tossing my lil 11 yr old cousin across the room just to grab a dining untensil.

i see alot of myself from my relatives, especially from my mom's side of the family. my lighthearted nature, the looneyness. my compassionate + caring nature. its because of these beautiful people that i was blessed to grow around that i am the young man i am today. God knows i am so thankful for these people in my life beacuse without them, i just dont know who i would be....

+ its not only them. there are more that shaped the core of my attitude, my outlooks on life, + even guided me to achieve the dreams i hold close. my dad... hmmm. he gave me strength + intregity, + a nice pair of tea brown eyes. even though we dont speak to each other nowadays + our views are two different sights, i cant never say that im not glad that he was a part of my life. his presense in my younger years were felt + i had taking so much wisdom from him. thank you dad. i respect + love you unconditionally.

i hope that people spent yesterday with loved ones. people that care + cherish them for being in their lives. oh + also got to get some good take home plates for the next couple of days. lol happy belated thankgiving yall.

-soulfully yours, peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

hopeless dreaming replay.

i was going through my old blog on msn spaces (may it rest in gigabyte pieces) + i saw something i wrote a lil while ago. as i re-read what i wrote almost a month ago i notice that it still rings kinda true about how i feel on some goals + aspirations that i wanted to obtain. here is what i wrote:

"there are times when i think about my life + the things that i would love to happen to me. its a long list of things, believe me. lol some are things that would just be a nice lil pleasure if i actually experienced it, such as getting to talk to jill scott or visiting tibet (reminder: must update my "places to go to" list). others are just on-a-whim-of-a-care kinda thing, jumping in a pool of lemon jello, streaking, those kinds of things. but then there are some that are like a "must do, must see, must be" kind of thing. i got to make this happen for me because i desire it so much. it feels as if i was meant to go down that certain route + experience it. but of course, actuality drops its reality check + turn my goals into far off fairy tale dreams that i can only sigh under. some i had to put away for a while. some, i dont even have control over. + other just fade into the back of my head. i dont know. i wonder if some things are really meant to happen to me. am i suppose to have this? is this a goal for ME? or should i just continue to hold on to my blindly optimistic hopes. sometimes i think i should give it up. hoping, i mean. but i know i couldnt. its like just knowin- feeling that something is so right, so perfect, so in tune + in accordance with you... perfect fit of a dream. but sometimes i realize that there is a big problem. thats all i do... dream... God help a brotha with this one. til the next time..."

-"hopeless dreaming" 102-42-008 dWjb

nowadays im more sure that certain things happen for a reason. sometimes doors are closed on opportunities for the better + windows are opened. with some things i have to take charge + seek it full heartedly. others i have to wait til the time is right for me. there is reasons for everything i believe. i know God has a plan. it might not be as i thought it would be + it might not be like everyone elses, but it will be in my favor in the end. i know it. i feel it.

peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

i been poked- wait, wrong website. tagged!

a little while ago, i was "tagged" by BrothersBlog. i was going to type the rules but... well, jeez. i didnt feel like it. call me lazy, its just being resourceful i think. lol basically i got to tell you 7 random +/or weird things about myself + froward the tag to 7 people. ohjoy... lol

1. im from decatur, born + raised. not a grady baby, not a piedmont child, no dekalb med kid. i was born in decatur, in my house, in the bathroom. + naw, i am not a "toilet" or "sh!t" baby. lol

2. im a performing arts freak. dance is a deep passion of mine that i love to do. hip hop is the style i know best, but im aiming towards learning others such as contemporary, african, b-boy, latin, ballet... about all of them. i love theatre. i have been a part of a few skits, plays, + improv. oh + physical comedy... classic. last but never least, music... life reflects music indeed to me. my taste in music is real ecletric, but my favorite is soul music from the past + now.

3. in the back of my mind, i would like to have a siberian husky, a ferret, a spider monkey, + a lil family of squirrels. sadly, my luck with pets, + some plants, have been... kinda slightly fatal... WHY DOES EVERYTHING I TOUCH WITHERS + DIES?!?!?!

4. im in school to become an educator, wishfully at my old high school alma mater. why do i want to deal with these so-called "smart mouth, bad-ass, think-they-grown kids"? well, i believe these young men + ladies are the next generation of lawyers, teachers, atheles, activists, musicians, + other pillars of our communities. i want to help bring knowledge + hope to them, keep them striving to achieve + reach their highest potential in their passions in life.

5. my mind goes "phhhwwssssss..." at times. yeah, i have my spaz-out periods, who doesnt? maybe its the a.d.d. kid in me but i do go into my own lil world at times. its nice there. they have an everflowing fountain of cranberry juice + gummi bears... quite nice.

6. lately i have been obsessed with "high school musical 3". i took my sis to see it a while back + i ended up loving it. like i said earlier, i love theatre, including musical theater, + i just got caught up in all the choreography + music. its the fyeness... well, to me, at least... i must work with kenny ortega (the director) one day. i will be on "high school musical 5"!!!

7. i got a plan for an escape... "i'll go break his neck..." lol i love my sis.

now that thats out the way, i choose...

Nik - http://thehustlesofnik.blogspot.com/

Malika - http://accordingtomalika.blogspot.com/

Ms. Cali Brwn - http://amberileene.blogspot.com/

Ms.Hopeful - http://mzhopeful.blogspot.com/

BronxStateOfMind - http://bronxstateofmind.blogspot.com/

well im done. now time to lie down. lada everyone! peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

hunt for an income, part II, + more...

i hate group interviews, passionately right now. i have had 2 interviews in this format in the past 2 weeks for 2 clothing stores for a seasonal position. i would find myself surrounded with other job hungry folks, about 6-9 people, as a hiring manager would try to get to know ALL of us + our skills + work ethics in a matter of 60 minutes. im not comfortable in this kind of environment. feels like all of the applicants are forced to play the "outshine everyone else by anymeans neccessary" game, which is understandable because companies want the best people. but i start feeling the pressure when we all got to race to belt out the best anwser to questions. it puts a serious competitive vibe to the interview process. then let there be 2 or 3 folks that seems waaay more quailified than anyone else... i wasnt shaken by them easily, but after showing all of my best assets + stating how i can benefit the company, i still felt like i was fighting a battle i already lost. i already didnt like one of the stores to begin with... the things i would do for an income right now... DAMN YA MONEY!!

i hope that my best friend/sister chrissy is doing well. she is stuck that home on bedrest for a while. i went + visited her with some friends yesterday since i havent seen her in a good minute. we watched the unneccessay dramatics of "the real housewives of atlanta"... jeez, the only powerhouse person on there is lisa. i got to give her props because she is married to a very weathly guy but not living on his money. she got her own successful + thriving business + is not moved by the glitz + fame of elite socialism. seem like a real cool lady. quite nice. anyway, i had a blast with all my friends last night. just straight ridiculious. we got to do it again. must plan the excape... *smiles*

im about to hit up this open mic at this corner coffeeshop called javamonkey tonight. its been a while since i been to an open mic. im not going to read today, just taking in the creativity + let my mind soak it all in. i need to get back to writing my writins soon. the last writin i did was last month + i know i got a lot more to say about a couple more things. its just not flowing out of me right at the moment. it will come soon. i'll let you know... lol lada days. peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

"will work WELL for money, so hire me damnit!"

i need a job- wait. change that. i been needing a job. i am quite tired of my income depending on my family. quite very tired indeed. i want to be able provide for myself again like i used to + be able to help out my mom. not my sis though. she too busy buying sugar crap + egging me on to get her a blackberry phone. this 11 year old wants a smartphone. i told her she needs to phone herself to school + learn. ohjeez. i am my mother's child.

so lately i done resumed my job hunt full force since my fall semester in school is almost done. i got my resumes printed out (at least 10 copies on deck wherever i go. this is serious!), traveling around in shirt, slacks, + tie (all starched + pressed... serious!!), popping my head in anywhere i see a decent place of labor (now i aint gon just work any flimsy dark-hole-in-the-wall where... hah! it aint that serious.). i will be working my bum off somewhere!

but you know what? its a hard knock life for us job hunters that are just looking for a good seasonal or long term part-time job. well, at least for me. heres a few things that making the employment hunt depressing:

1. asking for an application + hearing them say that we just finished hiring for this year YESTERDAY.
2. asking for an application + seeing that this woman is clearly tired of folks asking her that same qeustion over again.
3. calling your former supervisor about working seasonal + they WONT answer the phone for nothing + decides to go ghost for a MONTH.
4. filling out the same information on an application over + over... + over... + over... + ov- ugh, you get my gist.
5. GOIN' ALL THE WAY OUT CROSS THE OTHA SIDE OF TOWN TO A FREAKIN' JOB FAIR THAT ONLY HAD 2 BUSINESSES THERE THAT YOU CANT DO ANYTHING WITH!!! DAMN YA, COBB GALLERIA + DIVERSITYJOBFAIR!!
6. writing down on my work experience the job that i stayed at for only two months... it was time conflicts... dont even laugh chrissy...
7. not knowing why i dont get a job.

im grudging on though. i feel like i am a hard worker + could be a valuble employee anywhere i am placed at. im trying to show these employers how dedicated + useful i can be but it feels like its not shining through because im not getting hired or any response. is it my resume? is my experience not enough? was i talking too little or too much? was it the color of my shirt?

i have a lot of things that i want to get accomplished + its going to take a lil more than will, time, + determination. yeah, ima need some dough... so i got to get a job + soon. oh + while we on the subject, i would like to announce the start of my new foundation:

H.A.B.A.D.O., Inc.
Help A Broke Ass Dude Out, Incorporated

*flim plays sad music in the background + show me standing outside of a wendys, looking sad. * "for just 107cents a day, this man can be able to walk into this resturant + purchase a 5pc chicken nugget (no frosty included, sause 34cents extra)..."

-ohjeez, let me stop. hah! yall hope for a brotha. peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

good guy gone- hah! not me.

im riding the marta train + heading for school this morning. when i reach my stop, which is the last stop on the line, i get up + head to the door. i noticed two guys walking in front of me looking at this elderly sleeping on one of the seats still + chuckling to themselves off the train. i thought that this could be her stop possibly, so i went to her, lightly tapped her shoulder, + said "miss, we're at the last stop." she opens her eyes, glares up at me, + snaps out a gumpy/sleepy "so." i smiled lightly + said "i didn't know whether or no-". "leave me alone!!!" she screeched back with much anger, so i left + slipped on my smiling face.

now im far from a full pledged wings + halo saint. it did flash in my head to utter a few unnecessary words to myself outside of the train, kinda along the lines of "tired-out, raggle-ass, ungrateful, dusty bitch", just because i was trying to be a kind guy + she talks to me like im crap on a toilet seat. but i let it go + thought "i dont know her. she dont know me. she could be going through a rough time at that moment + just trying to get through the best way she know how to."

still it stings that i attempt to be a good helpful person + it seem like no one cares for it. aint the 1st time, wont be the last. i cant help to want to help at times. thinking of others was something instilled in me at a young age + it always made me feel good to know i made someone feel better about their day. but i sometimes wonder how far i can go being the "kind guy" in a dog-eat-dog, ima-step-on-ya-face-to-get-where-i-wanna-be, kinda world. i always thought that politics + corporate businesses was not my thing because of the cut-throat mentality i would hear as being needed to survive + make it to the top.

ironically, i was reading this book i been carrying around with me called "make it happen: the hip hop generation guide to success" by kevin liles, former president of def jam records + current executive vice president of warner music group. it tell of 10 rules that he believe will get any person to reach their potenial + their goals in life. he uses examples from not only his life, but from other successful figures of the past + today. what made the book meaningful after today's little episode began with me reading rule 7: get connected. it talked of building relationships "to last forever because success in business depends on positive human interaction". these were some of the things i read that really stood out to me:

"Goodwill is golden. Do someone a good deed and it comes back, even if it doesn't always follow a straight line. Some people call it karma. I call it psychology. People want to feel respected. Its that simple."

"Donald Trump says in his book How to Get Rich that if you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Respectfully, I disagree. When you have them by the heart, you control how much blood is pumping through the rest of the body."

"...It's a dog-eat-dog world. But that's all the more reason why you shouldn't be that way. The less you are like the rest of the rats in the race, the more you will stand out."

-"make it happen: the hip hop generation guide to success" - kevin liles

hmmm, maybe there is hope the a lil kind dude like me... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

bittersweet goodness calling.

out of nowhere friday, i got a call from a former lover of mine. if you wondering, this is the same person i was talking about in "let me be there." lets call her "dory" for the moment. we talked as if its been ages, probably becuase it has been. well, at least to me. we caught up on everything, school, work, life, everything + everybody, everybody we did everything with, all that nice stuff. lol even though we used to go together, we are cool with talking about the different people that we were interested in.

while i was telling dory about the people i have gotten to know, it reminded me of how none of them were like her. i know no two people are similar, but no one has been able to make a deep move on my heart like dory. if only the world could understand it... sometimes i barely believe it myself, but she was the best. she is now the prototype. she set the bar to how i feel someone should be loved. full hearted emotionally. without any doubt unconditionally. connected spiritually. she appreciated the person i was + at the same time moved me to want to be a better person.

anyway, as im telling her how i feel, i let her know that none of the others have my heart like her. the sweet thing that made me smile on the other end of the phone was that she tells me the same. she says that its not the same with the other guys she has met. im the only guy she could really trust. i was her safe place. she thought i was so pure in spirit, full of love, + that i was always there for her no matter what went down around us. she knew that i cared for her beyond anything + she was thankful for being in my life.

dory also started talking about how she felt foolish for letting our relationship go, but also felt that it was for good reason, that we were only meant to be together for so long. our love had a deeper purpose, a lesson to be discovered by the both of us. i sometimes feel that way too, like maybe there is some greater plan for us + this was only a pebble of a stepping stone in our lives.

all i can say is that i love her. always as a friends, in my heart as my love. i still will love her years from now. i will move on 1 day + love others, no doubt. but it may not be as great. mos.def wont be the same. + thats why everything is such a bittersweet moment nowadays whenever i hear her voice, because i know the call has to end some time... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

times like these... haha haha haa...

oh yeah, i forgot to talk about what happened the other day after "bootleg 'stars' carved in the back of my head" ordeal. alrighty, so im a part of this dance ministry + saturday was suppose to be a big performance for us. we were going to be in the gospel superfest, a show with lots of popular gospel artists such as mary mary, coco brothers, + more. it was going to be taped + shown on different channels, the gospel channel, bet, + such. so needless to say, we all were excited about the producers asking us if we could perform 2 pieces for them, 1 for a black history segment they were going to do + 1 for a christmas show they were filming that same day.

so we been practicing + working hard to get everyone ready + on point to do the routines. this past whole week had us going to either the dance studio or the director's house to practice so the producers can see it + tell how we looked. he saw it, loved it, but wanted to make a few changes. just little things. yeah, like cutting the christmas piece down in half... yeah. tiny. we took the advice, kept working through the week on formations, detailed movements, costume changes, acrobatics + tricks, music changes, people getting added to different parts... we basically been through nearly everything.

so finally call time at 4:30pm saturday comes + im at the civic center with the rest of the group downstairs in a "dressing room" that actually looked more like a large locker room. we run through the routines + wait... + wait some more... + wait again. its 7:30 + we haven't heard a thing. soon 8:30, we hear we up next + we running up the steps, down the hall, turning rights + lefts to get the sides of the stage. we get there to see kiki sheard singing, then suddenly we told to go back downstairs to the dunegon locker room. we hear that we going to perform our christmas piece in 20 minutes so be ready.

20 minutes passed. then 40... a hour later we being told that there is no time to do our piece, but they will tape it in 2 weeks... i try to keep a pleasant smile on my face while most of the other people got upset since it was our favorite piece. but the show must go on + we had the black history piece to do still.

so we ran through that piece a few times, made sure everything was right as we played the wait game again... it got to the point where we started do stuff just to pass the time. we had african drummers performing with us there + they started a jam session while we were freestyling + flackback dancing to the beats of africa. clearly, you can electric slide + bankhead bounce to nearly anything.

soon we were just tired, sleepy, hungry, some agitated + ready to go. it was near midnight + we haven't heard a word from anyone. then one of my teammates ran through the door + told us that we have 30 seconds to get to the stage. so AGAIN, we running, some falling, up the steps, bomb rushing down hallways, twisting through the place to get to the stage, which had a group singing on it already. next thing we know, the stage crew is telling us to go out there + dance to the music. confused but eagered to move around, we all go on to the stage, the auditorium 1/4 full, + freestyle to the group's song for about... hmmm, a minute. after they finished, the main singer said "thanks for coming out to the gospel superfest, have a great night!!" wha-...

...i had to laugh it off to keep myself from going amy winehouse on them + asking "what kind of f*ckery is this?" after we done sweated, took out hours of our time to practice, racked our brains to bring forth something creative + moving, + waited near 8 hours in a room that could be the next shooting location for "saw 6" to perform... we get a 1 mintue cameo?!?! OHHHWHATTHEWORLDMAN?!?!?

afterwards, the producer, the man who ASKED us to perform, explained that due to hosts taking a lot of the time + groups getting "caught up" in the songs, they was not enough time to feature us as promised. plus we were suppose to be getting food + drinks but it was sent somewhere else instead of downstairs in the locker room. he sincerly gave his apologies on behave of the network + the company + offered us money to get something to eat afterwards.

this is another time when i learned that everything is not always going to go right or as planned. there will be moments when you work so hard only to have it seem like it went to waste. but at the same time, some things are for the better. the producer did said that he wanted to use us in another taping of a show, plus we were able to network with different people there. so the heart was kind of hurt, but all was not lost... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

the start of something new. + no, not the next hsm movie.

i fell asleep last night around 10:30pm while flipping back + forth to cnn, fox news, msnews, channel 2, channel 5, cartoon network- what, flapjack was on + i love that lil dude. ADVENTURE! any of a way, i woke up with my tv on cnn playingback clips from last night with obama giving a quite decent speech about how we done did it... clearly i didn't need my bowl of cheerios after all the energy i got from hearing this.

barock obama did it... he did! he is our new president! president number 44... you know i had to kick that number around for a minute...

44
4+4=8 (jeez i love this number. lol)
8 represents regeneration + resurrection. a new begining, beginning of a new era.

hmmm... seems to be a perfect fit for for this event. last night, nov. 4, was beginning of a new age, a time where african american will no longer wish to their parents + teachers "i want to be the 1st african american president"

they will let it be known that "i will be president." because now that obama had did it, that invisible glass ceiling has been shattered + we are recieving a rain shower of hope + strength.

not only we are coming together as a race, this nation has finally gotton to their feet, banded together + spoken their feelings with the action of voting:

"WE WILL NOT DEAL WITH THIS UNNECCESARY BUSH-BITCHASSNESS NO MORE!!! WE WANT A CHANGE + WE ARE COMFIDENT THAT THIS MAN, *points to obama* THIS MAN IS THE BRINGER OF A BETTER TOMORROW!!"

im proud to be me today. im black. im american. im a person that wants more from my nation for my family, friends, neigborhoods + cities. im a person that made a choice yesterday to better our tomorrow.

thank you past, for you taught, fought + strengthen us well. thank you present, for you hand us the chance to live out our lessons. all there is left to say is, here's to a new, bright, beautiful future... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin

i wish i was seeing stars.

last saturday had me in dire need of getting my hair cut since i was going to perform for a program that would be taped + shown on tv. my friend recommended his barber, telling me that he does a real good job. so after practicing with the dance ministry in the morning, i went to the barber shop my friend mentioned to me. the dude he recommended was not there, only a lady + about 2 more customers. she was cutting some dude's hair when i walked through the door. after quickly saying to myself that i got to get back home + change so i can be at the civic center by call time, i made up my mind that she would just have to do for the moment.

i asked her if she could do any designs, nothing super fancy. i just wanted a par + 3 stars on the backside of my head. she said "sure.". so i thought i was in slighty decent good hands til shes finishes + gives me the mirror.

now 1st, when i think of a drawing of stars, the visual in my mind is something a wee bit similar to this:

now please, tell me. what does this look like......ummm, yeah. like she just blindly put the mark of zorro on the back of my neck. so needless to say, the other side of my head is looking like this...such a happy camper... hah! never again. but then again, im really no stranger to bad haircuts... *flashes back to his marching band nickname, "soup bowl"... shakes his head* ughhh... peace+luv 4eva, the 3rd tWin